6 posts tagged “personal”

Sharon Gless, former costar of Cagney and Lacey and Queer as Folk, was seated across from Bill and me in first class on an American Airlines flight from Miami to New York only two weeks ago. Ms. Gless was caught talking on her cellular just before take-off and was reprimanded by the flight attendant; and just after breakfast, she made her way into the galley looking for warm cookies. Unfortunately for all of us no cookies were served that day. She seemed nice enough as Bill helped her with her bags before and after the flight.

B.D. Wong, formerly of Oz on HBO and currently starring in Law & Order: SVU was next to us outside the Guggenheim on Fifth Avenue last weekend. He, along with his partner, their young son and a friend came out of the museum and stood next to us while their little boy climbed onto B.D. Wong's shoulders. We made small talk before they walked away. Their shy friend waved goodbye and then we made our way across the street to Central Park.

On Saturday night at Antique Garage, a hidden gem in fine Mediterranean dining located in Manhattan's SOHO, Bill and I along with our friends Gilda and Rafael had an enjoyable evening. From the ambiance and amazing food & wine to the excellent service, the only thing that made the experience better was being seated next to Stanley Tucci and fellow actress Patricia Clarkson. Mr. Tucci, a veteran actor, writer and director known for his roles in Big Night, and Blind Date among others, is currently in several productions. He will star in Julie & Julia, currently being filmed now. This movie also stars an acquaintance of ours, Chris Messina.

I can personally attest that Chris is a great guy. His career has really taken off over the last few years. Chris has had many roles on the big screen already but my favorite role of his was Claire's boyfriend on HBO's Six Feet Under. I mostly love that role because I didn't realize that he was someone I actually knew until after the series was over. I was drawn to his character and there was something appealing about the actor himself but I bought into who he was playing. I guess that is the mark of a good actor.

Speaking of Six Feet Under, Patricia Clarkson is on top of my list of favorite actresses. I love her choice in roles. She played Sarah O'Conner, the sister of Ruth Fisher in Six Feet Under and appeared in other television and movie productions. One of my favorites was her appearance in The Station Agent.

New York City is an amazing place filled with high energy and creative people. Of course I'm grounded in knowing people are just people and we are all the same; however, these high profile actors are the movers and shakers in entertainment and form what we watch on television and on movie screens throughout the world. It's exciting to know we live amongst them. The summer promises to offer more sightings and you can read about them here. Stay tuned.

Please stand by as I regroup. I am adjusting and readjusting as I hold down the fort in Miami and deal single-handedly with some minor renovations on the house. Thanks for your patience.

Happy birthday to Bill. Next year is the big one and then you're in my realm. So enjoy it while it lasts. I love you and can't wait to see you on Saturday.

Murderball is a documentary which was released in 2005. It's a film about paraplegics who play full-contact rugby in wheelchairs. I have yet to see this movie, but it is on my must-see list before year's end. It's pure testosterone on wheels -- hmm, and kind of hot! Just based on the trailer alone, I don't think I'd be tough enough for a sport like this, but there's always wheelchair ballet; if there's not, there should be.

How many times have you sat down to fill out an application or business document of some sort and never had to think twice about ticking off your marital status? For most people this is not too difficult. But for me and for countless other people in the gay community, a simple question such as this can pose a serious dilemma. Most standard business forms give you only a few choices: single, married, divorced and if one is lucky, even widowed. But wait a minute, how about domestic partner or civil partner, etc?

For many years, since I've been in my long-term relationship, I usually just skip the question and leave marital status blank if a category doesn't apply to me. Recently that all changed. With the advent of conducting on-line business, technology is making it literally impossible to skip a question such as this.

My partner, Bill, and I recently tried to open a joint investment account at Charles Schwab. For convenience I decided to complete the application on-line using Charles Schwab's website. Very quickly into the electronic application I came across my first and only stumbling-block -- marital status. Charles Schwab only provided three choices. You probably guessed it: single, married or divorced. Well, as usual, I wasn't going to let that stop me, so I skipped the question. As I attempted to advance through the application to the next section, the entire process came to a stretching halt. The website would not allow me to move on until I was forced to answer the question.

Here's the problem. I don't fit into any of the above categories. I'm certainly not single (I'm sure Bill wouldn't be too happy to hear differently), I'm not married (at least not legally), and I'm definitely not divorced. OK, so what's the big deal, some might ask?

If I check off the single box, then I'm not being true to me, my relationship or the world. If I check off married, then legally this could open up a huge can of worms for my partner if I were to die. It's complicated enough trying to legally arrange your estate when you're in a gay relationship, but then add in the legal complications of claiming you were married and just try to see Bill legally take what should be rightfully his. It potentially could be very messy. Why would anyone ever want to put their loved ones through that?

So I decided to stop the application process and give my friendly Charles Schwab financial advisor a call. He was not available and I had to leave a message. As usual, he promptly returned my call. After explaining the situation to him, he seemed to understand and promised he would check into it to see how his company could accommodate us.

I believe it was the next day, when I received a call from a supervisor or "big-wig" of some degree. He explained to me that Charles Schwab's applications uses those specific categories as legal terms. He also recognized and validated the dedication I have to my partner and told me that Schwab is a company based out of San Francisco (what's that supposed to mean?), and went on to say how progressive of a company they are.

But you see his explanation didn't hold water with me and here's why. At the very beginning of the application before any other question was asked, the form has you categorize the legal status of your joint relationship for your new account. The choices listed for legal status are: joint tenants or joint tenants with rights of survivorship. For anyone, gay or straight, that wants his/her joint account holder (regardless of relationship) to directly inherit the account and all of the money in it, always check off joint tenants with rights of survivorship. It's that simple. By doing that, we are legally protected.

So you see, the marital status question on theses forms are really only for obtaining demographics, and used solely for the purpose of marketing and statistics. I know this because when I was employed, I was the man behind the scene using this information to target you in well designed advertising and marketing programs.

I explained this to the nice gentleman and he truly seemed sympathetic to my cause. Although he promised that he would lobby for additional marital status categories, I ultimately still had to check off the single box to complete our application.

As a side note, there are companies which do have additional marital status categories on their applications, including civil partnership. Although they are few and far between, I have come across them.

The moral of the story here is, don't accept the "box" other people want you to fit in to. Speak up and say something because as long as we don't, we'll only get what others think we deserve.